The Voice Inside
This week's blog is one of struggles; struggles occurring with both my spoken voice and the voice inside my head. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster of being a stay-at-home mother. I have felt frustration at barely making the targeted goal of two hours of studio time a day but more so I have felt overwhelmed by constantly talking but never feeling heard. Words of encouragement, teaching lessons, redirecting attention, managing emotions, failing to manage emotions; these all require a strong voice and for those who know me I am quite soft-spoken. That's the struggle with my spoken voice. Then there is the inner voice.
What do you do when you are constantly bombarded by conflicting emotions? On sunnier days you
have the positive voice of encouragement urging you to be your better self, do what you love, and put pen to paper. Then there are the dark melancholic moments when a negative undertone or more a sleep-deprived demon, reminds you of your naivety and tells you that you will never make a stamp on anything, and it's not even worth trying. How can we learn to acknowledge and then dismiss the latter?
In the time that was allotted to the studio, I started dabbling with different ideas. I've used Photoshop to edit images before and I love to draw so I thought to myself, why not learn something new and try my hand at creating fabric designs digitally.
I came across a great tutorial "How to Design Fabric" available on creativebug.com. From the series I learnt that each person's method to putting their work into digital formats or designing digitally evolves over time. Each of the three textile instructors had their own way of doing things. Lizzy House draws by hand then uploads and saves the files digitally in Illustrator embalming her marks while Denyse Schmidt sketches by hand and then fine-tunes the work in Illustrator preferring crisp vector based lines. Heather Ross choses Photoshop over Illustrator and uses a creative tablet and digital pen to echo the effect of working by hand thereby omitting the process of uploading and re-drawing.
Possibly the biggest takeaway I got from the tutorial was something Lizzy House said,
"You gotta go through a whole 'lotta bad before you get to the good."
So from sea urchins to tropical foliage, I've been sketching out different motifs, trying to listen to the positive voice inside, and letting myself be heard through a different way.